My Thoughts, Numbered

It’s true what they say, you do only write, and write well when you are upset, depressed, down, and any other pessimistic synonym.  That’s why I have not been updating on here much lately.  I’ve had a life. I go and hang out with friends. I’m not upset. I am happy.

Hopefully I will somehow figure out how to write more with happy thoughts, unlike the past posts on here. I’ve been missing tumblr, I’ve missed it a lot lately. It’s like an old lost friend, we’ll just pick up where we left off. 

Today was my last day of high school. I did my best to soak every bit of it in. I walked through the halls in between classes one last time. I hugged the registrar, Peggy, and we said our goodbyes. I walked out to the hall and looked toy right. I saw my English teacher, Mrs. Elliott, sitting at her desk. I thought of all the love and care she has taught me this year. Through A Tale of Two Cities, Hamlet, The Awakening, and Tuesdays with Morrie I learned countless life lessons I will cherish forever just by her sitting in her chair and opening a book and just talking.
I went further and saw Mrs. Thompson’s class and thought of the math problems I completed and the hard work I did to get that A in calculus. Further I saw Mr. Kern standing outside his classroom as usual singing with the priceless smile on his face brightening everyone’s day, and always mine. His jokes will never get old, and the laughs he caused lifted me up on my lowest days.
As I approached my last hour class I thought of all the memories that haunted the halls of the school. All the friends that walked in it. All the laughs and tears it saw. All the love that spread throughout each person. Today I took in the last bit of the simple life I will ever live. I can never go back to that time. It gave me the best years of my life so far how could I hate something that did that for me?

I had one of the best weekends in my life.

I know, I hate it when people say this too because it’s their little way of getting attention, but I really mean it. I’d don’t normally get great weekends. It was spent with friends, real friends, and a bunch of them. It was a breath of fresh air. I was never bored. I had something to do all the time, and it was all fun! It was something I needed a week before I graduated. Something I could look back on senior year and say something good. Everyone who was with me doesn’t realize the impact they have had on me..

Tonight, I hung out with a lot people that I don’t normally hang out with, not like I hang out with a bunch of people, but tonight was fun. It was really fun. There were a different mix of people that made it interesting. There were no couples that secluded themselves. There were only open minded people that enjoyed the company of everyone else.

We bowled. Glow bowled to be exact. It was definitely one of the high-lights of senior year. Nobody was annoying. Nobody was mean. We had genuine fun. Something I have spent all year looking for.

On the way home, the kid that rode with me said, “You’re group of friends are way funner than mine are.”
I looked at him and said, “To be honest, that wasn’t my normal group of friends, but yeah, they actually are fun people.”

It was a breath of fresh air that I need here right before I graduated. A night I can look back on and see only positives and no negatives. It was just a good night.

My personality tells me to plan ahead, set a date and time, and invite people a week or two ahead of time.  I do that, but then by the time the day rolls around people forget about it, or make other plans because something “better” has came around, and in the end I don’t get to do what I wanted to do. 

Then you try to plan things the day of, fly by the seat of my pants, because my observation tells me that’s how everyone else does it. Then people already have plans, or they just don’t respond. 

My life in a nutshell.  

Flakey. People are flakey. And sketchy. They are also sketchy.

Enough talk about college…let me graduate and enjoy the little time I have of high school left, then I’ll start thinking about the fall.

I gave blood today…and I loved it. The experience was scary, the free snacks afterwards were okay, but the fact that I helped saved a life today gave me more purpose in life. I will be the reason someone lives. You don’t get to do that very often. I would do it again tomorrow if I could. Who knew I would have got so much out of today when I woke up..

“Communication should not be a competition”

-Donna Elliott
AP Literature and Composition Teacher

When you are sitting around a group of friends and they make plans to go to the movies, and they don’t invite you, and you feel like a total outcast…

My history teacher said today, “In a few short years, you will see campaign signs with the name of kids who are sitting just like you are now running for the presidency.”
One kid asked, “Doesn’t that scare you?”
My clever teacher replied, “Well, my generation had the fashionable eye of bell-bottom jeans, and made some pretty immoral, wild decisions at your age, but eventually they realized what was the right thing to do.”
He relit my hope in humanity.

God bless this country.

On August 11, 2011 I began my last first day of high school. I couldn’t help but think about how fast I wanted this year to be over. I kept looking forward. Only ___ many days till the weekend.  Only ___ many weeks till Christmas break. Only ___ many months till spring break. Now on 4 Monday’s till GRADUATION.

I find it crazy to re-think this. It’s the opposite of tensions. I want to meet knew people because I can’t stand the ones around me, but the ones around me have become so close to me that they are my uncomfortable comfort zone. I want to live on my own because I need the independence, but I want to be able to come home after a long hard day and know there’s no evil in my house. I want a free schedule, I’m tired of having to ask to use the bathroom or not be able allowed to leave without permission, but I like the routine I’ve had for the last 12 years.

I’m scared.

It’s like being born again. You are thrown out a home you’ve known since you can remember, and into a place with people, and sins you can’t even imagine, and you’re told to fend for yourself. No one is holding your hand. The only way to get someone’s attention is to cry, or throw a fit. There’s nothing you can do. You’re stuck. 

Graduation night will be the hardest night of my life. I will never see some of the people again. I will say my good-bye’s to the people I’ve sat next to, heard rumors about, laughed at, and turned my head to their immaturity. I will be happy about this for a few, but others I will have to fight back the tears to know there will be no more late night calls, stupid chats from across the aisles of desks, or laughs about our English teacher’s clever wits. There will be no more not having to worry. High School should have been called Hakuna Matata. 

Now I’m here not looking forward, but looking back on the years that they call the best of our lives. I remember the nights that will only be secretly talked about, the pep rallies that you couldn’t even hear yourself think, and the football game student sections that I will never actually be able to call myself a student in at any other game. I see all the timed writing I’ve wrote, the math problems that were never solved, and the science labs that we lied about our data. Looking back is so much harder than looking forward. Looking back is reality, the time that is real and will never happen again. Forward is the future, I can create that all I want, but it will never be as emotional as the past.

We’ll all be together that one last night for the last time, and then we’ll all scatter in the wind to do our own looking forward to the lives ahead of us, and we’ll look back at the times we’ll never get back. The times we are living now.

I’m tired of everyone waiting for their turn to talk rather than actually listening to me.

When I have plans with someone, every time they send me a text I assume they’re canceling.